with
the endless deep
happy birthday dad
where ever you are on the astral plane
I thank you
posted by name of the rose at 11:37 p.m.
soak the edge
The inside of thought is where everything teems and stirs with a thousand cracks is where the water meets the shore like threads pulled taut that soak the edge
Friday, October 29, 2004
the endless deep
happy birthday dad
where ever you are on the astral plane
I thank you
24 Comments:
with this particular face, yes, his recurring theme, his complexity, his trademeark, his endearment
[they come and they go ... that was an interesting picture; it almost appeared burned or singed on the edges - the glasses are a recurring theme (accessory?)]
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and still very present, apparently.
Your previous post here was not offensive, just direct,
and you did not have to remove it.
...its been a few years since he was here and I don't dwell on that loss, but recently when I was shopping for food in a local market, I saw a man from the back, walking away with a particular gait, height, colouring and in that flash of a moment, it was as if he was there somehow and death has no time to it.
I did a long series of portraits of him at one point, and then, having studied his face so thoroughly (as if to try to understand the core of who he was) I think I just adopted his physiogamy to personify complexity
[and still very present, apparently]...not in the sense of keeping watch, not as a daily vigil of grief, but I don't think we ever really lose our dead ones completely, love (in any form) never completely dies, as he used to say
and one last thing...right after his death, it was astounding how many light bulbs kept popping and burning out, all the time, for months it continued until one night, after changing yet another, the question arose...what if it was he who was causing it, sending us a message from somewhere beyond, saying 'lighten up'..so we did
'and still very present' referred to his spirit, his memory; aspects of personality and person that linger long after they're gone, as in [his complexity ... his endearment]
[I don't think we ever really lose our dead ones completely]
nor do I; something always remains, I believe.
[I think I just adopted his physiogamy to personify complexity]
is this from the vantage point of the child/daughter to father, or adult to adult, where he is no longer parent? or perhaps both? there was an allusion to this, somewhere before.
[and one last thing ...] very curious things happen around death, either timely or otherwise.
I don't know how to answer this...
I have only ever been a daughter to him and so it becomes impossible to completely step outside of the father-daughter relationship, even now...and yet, there was a time when I witnessed another (darker) side, through various events, a side that many children never seen in a parent, and years later, was able to talk with him about it...I saw (some part of) the man that he was, beyond just being a father, and he knew this, and that too becomes part of the complexity...
to answer your question, perhaps it is paradoxically both
[is this from the vantage point of the child/daughter to father, or adult to adult, where he is no longer parent? or perhaps both? there was an allusion to this, somewhere before.]
sounds interesting - 'dark and secret intrigue' ... and I ask this because I've always thought of the goal as being able to separate the person/parent from the role, to see the person that they are; not always possible.
...this is true...the people who weave through us form part of the threads of our becomings, aspects of presence [that linger long after they're gone]
..I have also thought this to be the goal, to catch momentary glimpses of someone while also conceding to its (near) impossibility, that the difficulty lies in stepping outside of a relationship in order to see inside of it, to see the other half of it objectively, all the my/my/I's that get in the way of he/she/they/you, always bringing me back to the we/us of it... deleuzoguattarian notion of assemblage, becoming-someone/something-else, being in concert with while also seeking something without, the near and far of it...
like my recurring dream of loud and soft, near and far, big and small, all simultaneous sensations
[and I ask this because I've always thought of the goal as being able to separate the person/parent from the role, to see the person that they are; not always possible.]
[like my recurring dream of loud and soft, near and far, big and small, all simultaneous sensations]
this is interesting; care to expand on it? is it a sensations as such or an image? or both?
it's beyond words really and I will try to explain...
a recurring dream since childhood with no narrative,
no sense of time unfolding, no image...just pure sense...the sensation is of a bloodblack colour, redblack, a soft dark and that is all I 'see'
but it is not really a dream for sight...I also hear 'loud' and 'soft' but it is not audible sound so much as a series of pulsations that I sort of 'see'and sort of 'hear' but not really, and these opposites are experienced simultaneously...also with that, overlaid as it were, there is also a sense of both near and far, that 'it' is right up close and at the very same time also very far away...all at once, similarily the sense of 'it' being very large as if containing me and also very small, perhaps within me, is also simultaneous
...mainly it is the simultaneity of these sensorial opposites that is so perplexing...but it is not disturbing to me...you might say that I dream a sensorial paradox
so any of my prints with a close-up face juxtaposed against a horizon line peopled with tiny figures has something to do with an aspect of this dream, its contradictory sensations, its all-at-onceness...
...dream interpretation 911
as I read your explanation, the first impression that I had was that of a child in its mother's womb, able to sense and feel - but not see; aware perhaps of the 'just beyond' but more attuned to [the near]. interesting.
[so any of my prints with a close-up face juxtaposed against a horizon line peopled with tiny figures has something to do with an aspect of this dream, its contradictory sensations]
this is interesting, as those I noted have the same gent's image; is that by specific design or just the way that it worked out? the contradiction of the [close-up face]? perhaps there are more that haven't been posted?
in passing, there are a few pieces that are religiously-themed, grouped in the 14aug 'communitiesofconnectedness'; I'm curious about those - not only the medium, which appears textured, but also the inspiration.
if you care to indulge me, that is ... lots of questions.
dreaming of life before birth...that all our dreams contain a thousand years...that's an interesting interpretation...(how) is it possible to 'remember' that 'experience'?...and I liked how you worded it,
the ['just beyond'] of it ... [able to sense and feel -but not see; aware perhaps of the 'just beyond' but more attuned to [the near].]
...of the prints, yes, it is deliberately the same face, part of that exercise in capturing complexity, or trying to, and it is interesting that you say [the contradiction of the [close-up face]?], surfaces that do not penetrate...and yes there are others not posted
[if you care to indulge me, that is ... lots of questions.]...yes I care to
you are referring to a series of five black and white monoprints (although only three are posted ), each printed in two sections, 5 feet in height...although one of the figures wears a cross, but are not religiously inspired...perhaps better described as spiritually-inspired since they did/do represent (members of) a local community striving for communion (as in communication) ... although originally made for a different context, I now want to use what/who they represent as a symbol for the (reggio-inspired) phrase 'communities of connectedness'...the notion that individuals with differing beliefs can/need to connect for a common goal (for example, in the education of children as in the reggio emilia communities of Italy, how it takes everyone working towards a common goal)...at some point, I may incorporate text into the complete grouping so that it actually addresses some of this...the notion is also part of some academic reseach I have previously done...communities of practice, learning communities, but communities of connectedness, flows in concert with children, precious resource...I could say more, but this is (too) long
[religiously-themed, grouped in the 14aug 'communitiesofconnectedness' ... but also the inspiration.]
[...(how) is it possible to 'remember' that 'experience'?...]
I believe that it is possible to remember this experience; not being able to remember (aspects of) it would assume that memory begins after birth, and I'm not certain that I agree with this notion of memory, contrary to what specialists tell us; assuming that one can have a memory of our [ancestral crowds], it's not improbable that one can remember this, if only in a form comprehensible to one in that state.
the unconscious memory is powerful.
[and yes there are others not posted]
this is part of the 'hidden look' that I'd like to see; something that reveals more of the 'portrait of the artist' ...
[(members of) a local community striving for communion (as in communication)]
are you part of this community?
[part of some academic reseach ...]
which is somewhat unclear to me ... I've showed some of you ideas to a few friends in passing, and each have different notions of 'you' ... one is convinved that you (are/were) a student of philosophy, given the esoteric nature of some of the people and things you reference, another that you're an artist ... given your creations ... me, I'm not yet decided; I've had trouble categorizing the 'you' in this ...
[I could say more, but this is (too) long]
to the contrary, you've just begun
all of your comments and questions here remind me of the notion that particular people we come to know, in any sense, are like presents, to be unwrapped over time...
[are you part of this community?] yes, as it evolves
[a student of philosophy]..I have never studied philosphy formally, although after having accidentally tripped across A Thousand Plateaus a few years back, subsequently spent 8 months engaged in some independant research into deleuzeguattari and derrida (and tackling them without any history of philosophy was/is an infinite dive through all of their many philosophical references as they set out to deconstruct 2500 years of western metaphysics)...and have since noted that their postmodern habits of mind find the greatest affinity amidst artists who intuitively 'get it' right away...their refusal to think hierarchically (as if with a tree growing inside their head) but instead flowing along the many 'which ever way it turns next' branches of a rhizome.
[another that you're an artist]...if I could live the life I truly want, it would be spent in an artist's studio, night and day, in between the necessary excursions into life, required to divine or research one's subject matter....but alas, one must be practical and take care of 'first things first'... so one does what one can, when time permits
[me, I'm not yet decided;] ... I think that you are (probably) very perceptive and read people well ...
and I would ask the same things of you, your details, if you would answer, but like you probably, of great(er) interest is to discover what's hidden underneath
[the unconscious memory is powerful.]...yes and I sense that you have given this much consideration...reading how you explained the notion of [ancestral] memory and your suggestion that it therefore follows that it is not improbable that memory begins before birth
[this is part of the 'hidden look' that I'd like to see; something that reveals more of the 'portrait of the artist' ...]
...what I tried to do with the other prints was not always successful...the impossibility of rendering the essence of someone...how I remember my father sitting in front of the fire during the winters of my early childhood, pouring over seed catalogues and especially rose catalogues by firelight, to plan his order for spring plantings, to find a particular shade of coral rose, how he was always outside in the gardens when the good weather came and as I was growing up, how our front yard was filled with roses, perfect hybrids, how one summer when we were very little, my sister and I picked all their petals and put them into jars of water, thinking we could make perfume and later getting in trouble for it ...how I wanted to put 'that into my monoprints for what it embodied of him, but (as yet) could not express it ín ink on paper...suffice it to say, I had not planned to post any others, but will think about it since you asked...
[all of your comments and questions here remind me of the notion that particular people we come to know, in any sense, are like presents, to be unwrapped over time... ]
I smile as I read this, because I agree; it's important to guard some mystery, and to allow for whatever it might be as a slow release, a progression ... and yet, the desire to have it instantly - perhaps in a moment of weakness? - is always present.
[....but alas, one must be practical]
this, I can appreciate ... if I had my druthers, I'd expand my knowledge of islamic architecture and history, in north africa and the iberian peninsula ... I'd expand my knowledge of the spanish civil war and the franco era ... I'd spend (more) time in Normandy, visiting the graves of (my) fallen countrymen, noting the conductor's very personal words, as he allowed for a discount, as I carry an American passport .. 'we may not agree with what you do now, but we appreciate what you've done in the past; I'll resolve the price difference ...' and was coming from a place where, though (currently) being American isn't popular, it is still respected, for sacrifice, alone ... I'd travel more, and read more on 'island bio-geography' ... I'd travel the amazon and spend time in the Southwest ... I'd 'climb more mountains and watch more sunsets' and 'walk barefoot in Springtime' ... I'd spend a few weeks walking The Great Wall, I'd feed the Komodo dragons in Indonesia, walk the Camino de Santiago de Compostela, I'd spend time on the Hudson Bay, swim with the sharks in S. Africa, learn to sail - but well - and buy a catamaran and sail the S. Pacific ... or carry arms with The Legion, a truer family one could never have ... I'd be a travel writer as a trade ... I'd love more freely and spend less time worrying, giving myself completely ..., I'd 'have more good moments' and spend more time with children, I'd sell my valuables and travel more lightly ... I'd keep my books, though - everything else could go ...
yes, I understand this idea; and this time, I could go on and on and on.
[interest is to discover what's hidden underneath]
ultimately, that's the idea ... that's the prize, the gift; though important, everyting else becomes ... almost extraneous, in a sense.
[how I remember my father sitting in front of the fire during the winters of my early childhood]
wittingly or no, you've just done what I'd wanted ... this is part of 'the hidden look'; this is part of 'rose seen at sunset', the [dense fog] of childhood ... these are the insights that are sometimes priceless, whether we realize it or not; the artist revealved in her subject ...
I look forward to seeing other portraits.
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[if I had my druthers, I'd expand my knowledge of islamic architecture and history, in north africa and] ...and so much more you said
[... I'd travel more, and read more on 'island bio-geography'] ... I wonder what your (academic?) background is ... architecture, history, languages, music and so much more
[learn to sail - but well - and buy a catamaran and sail the S. Pacific ]...liking the [but well] of this and [I'd be a travel writer as a trade], thinking you would excell at doing so and [I'd love more freely and spend less time worrying, giving myself completely] and [spend more time with children]...valuing these things
[yes, I understand this idea; and this time, I could go on and on and on.] ... please do, how I love these words, all of them, h o w you write them and what they embody, that they embody (you), how your ancestral inheritance becomes a means of travel and how I do not tire of your ideas, how each (subsequent) reading takes me on a journey, leaves me wanting more and most of all, how I hope you do all these things you've listed, believing they would be appreciated ...and understanding what you mean by saying [I'd sell my valuables and travel more lightly ... I'd keep my books, though - everything else could go]
my endless stream of questions overlaid with this ...[though important, everyting else becomes ... almost extraneous, in a sense.] ... and thinking, without hesitation, how true
...will I ever know what got deleted?
[wittingly or no, you've just done what I'd wanted ...]
then I am glad, yet such a simple thing to give away
[my endless stream of questions overlaid with this]
which makes for two of us ...
[...will I ever know what got deleted?]
blogger comment issues, so I had to cut and paste it elsewhere while the problems resolved themselves, and it posted it twice ...
voila.
and, thank you ...
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